Wednesday, 27 August 2008


Much has been said about the CCTV Cities on Wigan - it was bollocks really and it would have been just the same in any similar-sized town in the country prior to Christmas. At Mudhuts we wrote the following little piece some three years ago. That McIntyre might as well have used it for his script…

Jimmy Jazz was fucked. Big-style. Out all night watching modern day Britain at leisure.

It the old transit with Jimmy was Robbo and Sam Ahmed. Robbo had more or less been a permanent feature on Jimmy's teams for the last two years whilst WPC Ahmed was straight outta Bolton via the University of East Anglia.

It was now 6.30am and Robbo's notes show the following.

Midnight - Blonde bird dark-haired bloke - 3 minute knee trembler. Bloke sick immediately after. Kept cock out of trousers while he threw up.

12.22am 3 punches thrown. 18-year old missed twice 50-year old hit him once.

12.33am Ambulance arrives.

1.00am Very fat girl sat on very thin man's face.

1.23am Ambulance arrives.

1.43am Carol Doughty staggers passed. Pissed? Stoned? Who gives a monkeys? The whore will be dead in 6 months.

2.00am Huge kick off around the corner. At least 60 involved. Three objects hit the van.

2.33am Sally Johnson on knees sucking Councillor John Sedgwick's cock

2.44am Money changes hands.

3.38am Terry Robinson (Bouncer at Liquid) gives dark-haired girl a package in exchange for money.

5.05am Two "studenty-types" pushing Asda trolley full of something?

5.06am Establish they are pushing 3rd "studenty-type" around

6.05am Vicar opens church doors

6.10am Vicar clears up vomit, cum, urine and blood from church doorway.

Well another night in Wigan! Just a normal fucking Saturday night/Sunday morning in Wigan

"Easy like a Sunday Morning" - Indeed!

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